What do you do when you don't know what to do?

Today my roomate told me I sleep too much and my showers are unbareably long. Why do you need to know this? Really you do not but it goes a long with my current life style. Over the last nine months I spent countless hours around my church as an Intern working, learning, seeking God, & growing. I did not call the church my second home but rather my first. I grew so comfortable and so happy there.

I graduated from my Internship at the beginning of the month. So what did I do with my new found freedom? Well...

1. Quit my current job for starters due to discomfort, unsettled nerves, lack of peace. I knew I was done. God and I have a habit of quiting jobs before I know the back up plan. This is not the first time infact I think I am getting used to this place. It is actually quite liberating. A quick way to learn trust.

2. I spent a wonderful year with a group of young ladies discipling and teaching them. I loved investing time in them and they all have sadly out grown me. They have moved on to the life of high schoolers now. So I am left without little Timothy's to teach.

3. I went to camp which occupied some time. Oh yes and there was preparation which filled up a great amount of time. So that was almost two weeks of work.

4. Went to my parents house - several times. Emmett is great and all but there is only so much a person with out a car can do there. Like sit at the house. Yep.

5. I feel I should mention a good chunk of this month was spent suffering from withdrawals from not being around church enough. So I walked to church quite often to find comfort and to ease my excited nerves.

Now you can see how I have grown accustom to long showers and very late mornings. I really am not as pitiful as I have made myself out to be but I do not know what I am doing or where I am going.

So what do you do when you don't know what to do? Wait, yes I guess that is the answer. Wait on God. Rely on Him. Start a blog?! Listen to crazy music?! (Like I am doing now.) Talk to family. Learn something new. Give God a chance to talk!

Journal entries from me as a 13 year old

It was August 1999. I was 13 and these are the real accounts of my first retreat to the ocean. My sister Lindsey convinced me to keep a journal of all our adventures while we were on vacation. Why am I retelling them to you? Well how else are you suppose to know the inner thoughts of a 13 year old LAIN? So here it is...

The Journal entries are in black and my current thoughts and comments are in red.

Day 1 August 1,1999

After hours of traveling we finally reached New Port, OR. While we were looking for a hotel (my parents do not believe in reservations this part of the Shaw family vacation experience) we met a man that just so happened to look like the flock of seagulls guy. "And I ran. I ran so far away... I couldn't get away." Finally we found a hotel and ran into ZZ Top man. COOL!!! Then we went to Mo's it was really over rated. Who makes me a food critic? That opinion was not even my own.

Day 2 August 2, 1999

It all started very early we went to the beach and saw tons of starfish. Then we ate breakfast. Ex-A-lent-A! Weird kid! Weird kid alert! Then we went to Ripley's Believe it or Not Museum. Oh ya there was a two way mirror and I'll just say we got caught doing some pretty funny things. We humilitated ourselves by trying to do a trick that a sign said we most likely could not do. Teenage boys were standing on the other side laughing at us. I disgraced myself in public. We went to Dinner at Sea Hag's it was scrub-diddly-yub. I think I hear the alert sounding again. Then my sister nearly killed herself by jumping on to a wall that was all cliff with rocks and the ocean at the bottom on the other side. She did not realize this at the time. She had not gotten glasses yet. Posed for some pictures and went back to our hotel. After my sister near death experience. Can someone say photo op?

Day 3 August 3, 1999

Today we drove for about an hour to the Sea Lion Caves. Pee Wee was it stinky there. But it was cool because the Sea Lions were huge. We even saw babies. We saw The Grateful Dead guy and drove on to Florence. Oh I totally forgot to mention that I got a stuffed Seal while we were there. I named her Precious and annoyed my sister with her the rest of the trip. It was fun and in my opinion the right of the youngest child.

Day 5, August 5, 1999

Morning- Today is Thursday and we are going to Trees of Mystery. I was totally bored with journaling at this point. Sorry I was 13 who wants to write when they have a pet Seal and a sister to annoy with it.

Later- Well Trees of Mystery was cool and we ate at Adele's. Yummy, yum, yum! Best tar nation dinner. I was a strange kid. Did I mention that yet? By the way my 2 mon. old nieces name is Adele. Apparently that dinner had a lasting affect on my sister too. I mean it was the best tarnation dinner ever.

I also drew pictures. Unfortunately I can not show them to you but do not fret because I am going to interpret them for you.

First I drew a picture of Lindsey's so called boy friend. He had a large square head, square ears, crazy eyes, practically no hair, and two teeth. That pretty much describes her husband Mark. He he! I am so kidding Mark has more than two teeth.

The second picture was of my brother Dustin and his german girl friend a rather tall, large, and scary woman. She was over 6 feet, had squinty eyes, a large mouth, very little hair on her head, and she sported a shirt stating "I'm with stupid." My poor brother was not even there to defend himself he was at home working. Cruelity I tell you. Honestly I do feel a little bad about the drawing now. Sorry Dustin. :( I also feel obligated to tell you that this was not his real girl friend just a figment of our imagination. A couple weeks ago while I was at church camp Pastor Krist used the analogy of a 5' 4" young man (Dustin's exact heighth by the way) who was enamored by the beauty of a 6' 2" woman named Helga. Maybe this was prophecy or just God's way of making me laugh.

My sister and I always look back on this trip with fondness. Sometimes I mention Precious which makes her skin crawl. Or we talk about Helga, Flock of Seagulls Guy, or ZZ Top Man. That is why I am glad my sister convinced me to journal our trip. Even if I did leave out a lot of important details. That is why I had to make further comments. I completely forgot to mention the fact that I fell in love with the ocean and it was amazing. You know minor details that is all. It was just my first trip to the ocean. Weird kid! I am telling you. You have no clue.

"The more words you speak, the less they mean. So what good are they?" Ecclesiastes 6:11 This verse right here pretty much sums up my speaking abilities. The more I say the less sense it makes and the more useless it grows. What started with good intentions ends with foolish babbling.
Despite my akward and sometimes feeble attempts to speak I still believe that I have a voice so this blog is my way of expressing inner thoughts. The only difference is now I have time to think through everything I want to say rather than spewing out stupidity.